Five Far From Home
I originally created this blog in 2006 so that our family and friends could keep up with us as we lived abroad with the Air Force, now we will use it to keep you all updated on our journey forward. As we step out where the sidewalk ends after our dear father and husband's untimely death after a brief, but fierce battle with a rare form of cancer. You can read about his 10 month fight on his caring bridge page - http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/rob_murphy.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
The boys and I ran in the 19th annual race today! It was COLD out there, baby - a chilly 12degrees and windy. Noah was feeling a little off the night before and when we came home from the race we discovered he was running a fever, but he still pressed on and ran the whole way. Micah had to walk a few times to breath through some side aches, and his legs were getting a little sore toward the end, but he made it the whole way and finished strong. Sarah didn't run the race, so instead she acted as our chauffeur. She ended up parking on a side street along the campus, unbeknown to her, that the racer were going to use - so when the runner's started filtering by she took a short video and caught and took a screen cap of a shot with all four of us in the frame - ain't technology great?
We'll do it again next year - but plan to train a little more so Micah can run the whole way and MAYBE get Sarah out on the trail?
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Today Rob's Dad and I spent the better part of the morning sorting through piles and piles of papers.It was a job I'd been putting off, yet there was no particular reason that we had to do it now, it just worked out in our schedules to be able to do it together. I also didn't want wait too much longer because knowing the task was waiting for me was building it up to be almost worse than it was. almost. it was several gut wrenching hours of painstakingly going through things, sorting out what to keep, what needed to be shredded, and what could just be thrown away. Bob did most of the work, I was so thankful for him today, and sorted it into piles for me to go through. We came across papers from his original enlistment into the Air Force, orders to his assignments in Missouri, Kuwait, Korea, and Germany. There were also certificates from classes he completed or awards he had won. Ham radio licenses, manuals, and gadgets. We'd come across notebooks full of his handwriting or things he had saved that were sentimental to him. The task is far from over, there are some things that I'm just not ready to face yet and many things that we set aside that I'm not willing to let go. But there is a big pile of things to get rid of and 2 bags full of shredded documents - and make no mistake - come Friday, trash day, it will still be nearly impossible to carry those out to the curb. But I have this picture, and it serves as proof. Records of a life (albeit too short by my standards) lived, testament of a man who meticulously cared and provided for his family and enjoyed the things on this earth that God gave him talents in. Evidence of a life well-lived.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
In August we participated in Muckfest - a mud run with proceeds benefitting MS research. It was a good time, but there were a few obstacles that proved challenging. One in particular comes to mind - you had to grab unto this carousel of hanging ropes when it came to the start area and then the rope spun around over an enormous puddle of mud to the other side where you could drop down on a dirt path. I don't know if it was the running start, my arm strength, or what the deal was, but I was not able to hoist myself up onto the knot tied to the end of the rope. After three attempts I just had to jump into the puddle of mud and trudge/be dragged through the mud while holding on to the bottom of the rope.P
It has been a year, today, since Rob died - almost 2 years since the chaos of the diagnosis began. The kids and I left Germany on June 17th and started our new chapter. Everyday since then has been like being stuck in a never ending circle of sludge. Leaving the military community/life and learning to navigate all the challenges. There have been ups - and there have been downs. There were some really bad days. But, for whatever it's worth, I never went "under". There was always that rope. Most often I think God put that rope in the hands of those able to immediately surround me with support - my father-in-law, Bob, and his wife, Elaine and my brother, Rolfy, and his girlfriend, Suzy. But sometimes, when there were some pretty overwhelming and dark days, missing him so much it was like a tangible weight or the uncertainty what to do, God would nudge someone else to pick up the rope and keep my head just above the muck.
We are adapting. We are finding our way. It is slow, it is painful, it is fraught with challenges and complications. but always, always there is grace.
Grace to keep holding that rope and knowing God won't let it go.
"Measuring the summer's day
I only find it slips away to grey
The hours they bring me pain
living reflections from a dream
I was her love
she was my queens
and now 1,000 years between
Thinking how it used to be
Does she still remember times like these
To think of us again
and I do........"
- Led Zeppelin (Tangerine)
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
Or - "What I did this Summer"
Acclimating to Wisconsin had its ups and downs, especially with all the "bonus drama" surrounding us. Because we are living with Rob's Dad and Elaine we are able to take everything at our pace. They have little lists of things we need to accomplish, but are never forceful and always willing to help us achieve whatever is on the list. Some of us (Noah) hit the ground running with summer marching band practice and Boy Scouts. Other's of us (Micah) didn't have a lot going on and patiently waited for the next grandparent to be available to play Monolply. We slowly started to find our desire to make this place our home and to go on with whatever this new way forward was going to look like. There were good days - a church picnic, Noah marching in his first parade, Sarah starting driving lessons or traveling on her first solo plane trip to go see her boyfriend in Oklahoma, finding a running trail (that's me and Phantom). But there were hard days. The grief was unescapable and the weight of everything to come was overwhelming. When I couldn't stand to be in my own skin and thought that the sadness and complexity would overwhelm me we took off to see my brother and his girlfriend, Suzy, in Minneapolis for a couple of days.
July 18th/20th celebrating Phantom's 6th birthday with the grandparents and The boys on the bike trail (my new running trail!!)
August 19th Micah enjoying the beach at Fort McCoy during the annual church picnic
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
|the coulee region - LaCrosse, Wisconsin|
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
"Load the car and write the note
Grab your bag and grab your coat
Tell the ones that need to know
We are headed north
One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return"
(Avett Bros., I and Love and You)
leaving Virginia this morning, headed to our new home with a brief stopover first......
a too short overnight visit with our friends the Crandall's in Indiana on our way to Wisconsin
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
"Every silver lining's got a touch of grey.
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive."
(Grateful Dead, Touch of Grey)
We arrived - into the loving arms of friends waiting for us. We spent a couple days in Virginia adjusting to the time difference, visiting with our east coast friends and gearing up for the drive north.
Look what Phantom and I found this morning! He handled the flight like a champ and, so far, thinks maybe America isn't so bad
Monday, June 17, 2013
last run on my trail this morning, I believe that is what I'll miss the most. so, tschuss, Deutschland...........
"and instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round"
- (the Flaming Lips, "do you realize")
Sunday, June 16, 2013
as we say all our goodbyes and savour all our lasts, these are the lyrics running through my head.....
"We'll have the days we break,
And we'll have the scars to prove it,
We'll have the bonds that we save,
But we'll have the heart not to lose it.
For all of the times we've stopped,
For all of the things I'm not.
We put one foot in front of the other,
We move like we ain't got no other,
We go when we go,
We're marching on.
There's so many wars we fought,
There's so many things we're not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We're marching on"
- (One Republic)
a few shots from the "last" and goodbyes during our final week in Germany.
All the kidlets piled on our hotel bed the night before the flight. Saying goodbye to these littles is about the hardest thing since we have been a DAILY part of one anthers lives for 7 years.